Day One
by Gilari
Summary: - "You think so loud," said River. "People are always telling me that," said Spike. Spike and River save each others' lives, and maybe start something beautiful.
1. Chapter 1

_Day One _

"You sure these caves are the right ones?" Mal asked, looking at the dark entrance skeptically. "I'd hate to go to all this trouble for the wrong place."

"I'm sure," Zoe replied tersely. "Ain't any caves like them for a hundred miles in any direction."

"Ok then. Unload the cargo."

It took Jayne three trips on the mule to unload the heavy crates.

"Why we have to take 'nother shipment a' wobbly headed dolls?" he grumbled. "Why can't we haul somethin' dignified? Ain't fittin' for a hard-bitten criminal like myself to be smugglin' geisha dolls."

"We're in need of supplies," Simon said, his shirt sleeves rolled up and his muscles straining as he lifted a crate off the bed of the mule. "We have to take what we can get. Jobs haven't exactly been plentiful since…"

He let his sentence hang in the air. It had been almost six months since Miranda, and things still hadn't picked up for the crew of Serenity.

Jayne muttered under his breath.

"Ain't fittin'," he repeated, but he continued to unload the crates into the cave.

"So, what's the plan for _this_ wobbly headed doll caper?" Inara asked Mal, shading her face with her hand.

"We store the merchandise here, then wait for our buyer to show. Then we get paid. Nice and simple like," answered Mal.

"_Hopefully_ we get paid," Inara amended.

"Don't see you complainin' when you eat the food this money buys," Mal shot back.

"Oh, there's always something to complain about the food," Inara retaliated.

The two smiled at each other.

Janye reached for the last crate.

"Hop down, Moonbrain," he instructed.

Gracefully, River jumped off the last crate, where she had been perched for the ride, and brushed the dust off her skirt.

"Better a brain in the moon than none at all," she said as she walked past the mercenary.

Kaylee snickered.

"Gotcha there, Jayne."

River drifted into the mouth of the cave, examining it with interest. She peered into the gloom of the cave, which seemed to stretch a long way back.

"We should drop a stone into it and see how deep it goes," she commented to Mal.

"I'll keep that in mind, Albatross," Mal said mildly. "Meantime, where's that contact of ours?"

"Sir," said Zoe, alerting her captain to the dot on the horizon. Soon, they heard the familiar whine of an engine, and saw the dust it was kicking up.

"Bout time," Mal grunted.

Their contact turned out to be several burly men under the direction of a tall, dark haired woman.

"Reynolds," she greeted him, coolly.

"Parker," Mal replied.

"You got the goods?"

"You got the money?"

Both leaders considered each other, sizing each other up. Parker seemed to like what she saw, because she smiled, relaxed her stance, and pulled a heavy sack of coins off her belt.

"They're already in the cave," Mal said.

Parker nodded.

"Boys, let's inspect the merchandise," she said to her hired goons.

The interior of the cave was dimly lit. One of the goons pulled out a light-stick, activating it with a sharp shake. It lit up a few meters of the cave, as well as the neatly stacked boxes. Parker opened one, inspecting the wobbly geisha doll. She shook it so that its head wobbled, grinning.

"I love these things," she said. "Look at the way they wobble!"

"You think you can fence 'em?" Mal asked.

"Wouldn't be offerin' you money if I didn't," Parker replied. She grinned again, and tossed Mal the bag of coins.

"All yours, Reynolds."

"Pleasure doing business with you," Mal said.

"Alright, boys," called Parker to her goons. "Time to pack up."

Her goons surged forward.

"Seems to me you're a little premature in that, pet," said a voice from the darkness. A light flared to life, along with the sharp smell of tobacco.

The sound of guns cocking filled the small space. Parker sighed.

"Still chasing me, Spike?"

"Always luv," said the voice. Into the light stepped a singular man – bleached blond hair, skin so pale it was almost white, black clothing, and a long black leather coat. He had a dangerous air about him. "Been looking for you a long time, Eva Parker," he said. "Imagine finally catching up with you on this hunk of space rock."

"You must have been waiting for me here a long time," Parker said. "It's blazing sunlight outside."

"I had a tip you'd be coming here."

Parker glared at Mal.

"Not him!" Spike snapped. "I've never seen that bloke before. No, someone a little higher up the food chain who doesn't like the human trafficking business you've got going on the side."

"You don't scare me, Spike," Parker spat.

Spike took a step forward, so that he was more visible in the dim light. The shadows cast played eerily with the sharp planes of his face, making him seem more dangerous than before. He took a final drag of his cigarette, then threw it on the ground, crushing it under his heel.

"I should," he said menacingly.

Parker's gun was leveled at his head in two seconds flat.

Spike laughed.

"You know that wouldn't kill me, luv."

"No, but I bet it would hurt enough to make you regret chasing me all this way."

"I'd never regret that," Spike said, with a touch of bitterness in his voice. "My marching orders come from higher up than you."

"Ok," drawled Mal. "Well I can see that this is a fight that I got no part of. I've got my money, so I'm just gunna leave now." He was edging towards the entrance.

"You do that," said Spike. "My quarrel's not with you. Only with dear Eva here. The Higher Powers don't care about your little smuggling operation."

"Glad to hear it," muttered Mal. "I'll just be on my way now."

Spike glanced at a dark corner of the cave, where a pair of curious eyes watched him.

"Don't forget your…" He twitched his hand to indicate the corner where River was standing.

Parker, misinterpreting his actions, fired her gun. Spike dove out of the way, and the bullet ricocheted off the stone walls. Old and crumbling beams began to loosen, and rock to tremble. River realized what was going to happen a few seconds before it did.

"Cave in!" she shrieked, darting forward towards the entrance to the caves. A large piece of rock fell from the ceiling, smashing into her head. The last thing she saw was the cave floor rushing up.

_

* * *

_

Day Two

River came to slowly. Everything hurt, but especially her head. It throbbed with a constant pain that she hadn't felt since her days at the Academy. She opened her eyes, but it was pitch dark. She knew she wasn't alone, though. She could hear him thinking in the cave with her. She stirred, attempting to sit up.

"Oh good," said the strange accent of the one called Spike. "You're awake." There was a shaking sound, and a light-stick ignited, lighting up his face. "Morning, sunshine."

River stared at him in amazement. The things she could see in his head!

"You think so loud," she said to him.

Spike chuckled.

"Everyone's always telling me that."

River glanced around her, at the walls of the cave, at the completely blocked cave entrance. Around them were scattered the remains of the crates, and various pieces of wobbly headed geisha dolls. Slumped on the floor was one of Parker's goons.

"I hope you don't mind," Spike said. "He was dead already, so I sort of drained him. Not sure how long we're going to be in here, and I don't fancy going around the bend. I'm not fun when I'm crazy."

"You drank his blood," River stated.

Spike didn't seem embarrassed.

"Yeah."

"You need his blood. It nourishes your body like food does mine. Your food is problematic."

"Aren't you afraid that I'm going to drink you dry as well?" Spike asked, looming closer to her.

River shook her head.

"I can see your soul. It shines out as bright as the sun," she said.

Spike smiled mockingly.

"Ta, luv," he said.

"You're a fairy tale construct," River told him, sitting up and rubbing her head. She could feel a large goose egg forming. She was lucky that was all it was. "You don't exist."

"I'm a vampire," said Spike matter of factly. "An old one. And you're a seer. I can feel you, poking around in my head. Not polite, you know, looking in drawers without permission."

"Can't control it," River admitted. "Went in and cut out. Can't stop it."

Spike nodded.

"I understand. Known a few seers. Most of 'em can't control it. What's your name, girl?"

"River."

He nodded.

"I'm Spike."

"William," River corrected.

Spike tapped the side of his head.

"Get outta there," he said. But his tone wasn't angry, only slightly amused. He stood up, slinging a pack of his shoulder as he walked to her. "You alright to stand?"

River tried to get to her feet, and was overcome with a wave of dizziness. Spike grabbed her arm, holding her steady.

"Woah there girly. I gotcha," Spike said.

"We're lost in the dark," River whispered, looking around them. "Two moles in a burrow."

"Far as I know, these caves go on a good long while," Spike said. "There's no moving those rocks, I tried while you were out. And I'm stronger than your average superhero. As I figure it, if we stay here, we'll die for sure. Or rather, you will. I'll just go crazy. If we try to find another way out, we've got a chance. Your call."

River looked at the dark cave stretching back into oblivion, and then at Spike's lit face.

"Small chance is better than none," she said.

They set off.

_

* * *

_

Day three

They walked for hours. In order to conserve the light source, they turned it off, so the walk was in a darkness so profound that nothing could be seen. They were alone in the dark.

River didn't like the dark. It made her feel as if things were going to creep up on her.

"I can see just fine," Spike assured her. "Hold my hand and see through me, pet."

So River let him lead her through the dark passages.

"Do you know where we're going?" she asked.

"No idea," said Spike with a shrug. "But I know that the air is still here. Till we get to moving air, we're still in trouble."

The pitch dark began to get to River. Even though her eyes were open, it was like they weren't. She clung to Spike's hand like a small child, twitching at every footfall.

"You alright, luv?" Spike asked, when she jumped at nothing.

"See things that aren't there," River whispered. "Your head, my head. Hard to tell. So many images." She sighed, and shook her head as if to clear it. "Hard time distinguishing between fantasy and actuality. Simon calls it a psychotic break with reality."

"Who's Simon then?" Spike asked. "And why does he get to say those things about you?"

"Simon is my brother," River explained. "He's also a doctor. Top three percentile of his class, worked in a hospital on Osiris. Till he had to come find me."

As they had nothing else to keep them occupied, River found herself telling Spike everything. There didn't seem to be much sense in holding back. He was a myth, so why not tell him fantastical tales?

"I saw the Miranda wave," Spike said, with a shudder. "Bloody awful stuff, even for me, and I travelled with the Scourge of Europe for a hundred years."

"They looked out into the blackness of space and went mad," River quoted softly.

"More than that," Spike made an annoyed sound in the back of his throat. "I try not the get involved in politics, because when you live as long as me you know better. But really, I thought humans would change. You go to the stars, and you don't change at all."

"There's evil in the hearts of men," River said softly. "Evil always there."

"I know it better than most," replied Spike quietly.

They walked on in silence for a long time. River walked with her eyes closed, since it didn't seem to matter which she did, the darkness was so deep. It made it easier to watch the way through Spike's eyes, in that strange black-and-white night vision he seemed to have. But this also meant that she would catch his errant thoughts and memories. She was so caught up in a certain memory involving a violent fight on Circe with a couple of gangsters that she didn't see the stone lying in her way, and tripped.

Spike's arms automatically shot out, stopping her from falling flat on her face.

"Watch your step!" he said, wrapping his arms around her and setting her upright.

"Thank you," River breathed. It was a strange feeling, arms around her like this. It was a feeling she had never experienced. A feeling she wasn't equipped to deal with. It made her heart race and her breath come in short.

"You alright, luv? You're shaking," Spike said.

"I'm fine," River said.

"Alright."

He took her hand securely in his again, and they continued walking.

_

* * *

_

Day Four

River was carefully rationing her food. There had been protein bars and dried fruit in the pack that Spike had taken off the goon he had drained, as well as a few more light-sticks and a canteen of water. She was careful with all of them. The light-sticks she only used when they made camp for the night, and she took small bites of the protein bars.

She had lost all sense of time. She wasn't sure how many days they had been travelling. Might have been only a couple; might have been a week. All she knew was all consuming darkness and putting one foot in front of the other, fatigue and hunger and the cadence of Spike's voice, the flavour of his thoughts.

They talked sometimes, and sometimes she listened as he thought. He didn't seem to mind her playing inside his head. Said he was used to it, would say all his thoughts aloud anyways if he could. It didn't seem to matter anyways. In the darkness all there was to do was talk. She told Spike everything – the Academy, Simon, Serenity, the way they cut into her brain and took away her innocence.

"That's a horrible thing to do to a girl," Spike said, sounding angry. "Right. First thing I do when we get out of this hole in the ground, I'm going after these Academy blokes."

"Can't," River said, "They go high and deep and wide. Higher and deeper than you."

"I'm not afraid of any Alliance stooges," Spike reminded her. "I predate the Alliance. Anyone who does things like that to someone like you… they deserve what's coming to them."

"They're not hunting me any more," River said thoughtfully. "I've already done my worst."

"The Miranda wave," Spike summed up.

In the dark, River nodded, knowing that Spike's superior vampire senses would pick the movement up.

"Miranda. I thought that was the worst humanity could do to each other."

Spike gave a dry chuckle.

"When you've lived as long as I have, luv, nothing surprises you any more. Especially not evil."

They walked until River began to tire. When she felt as though she would fall if she took another step, they sank down to the floor of the cave, their backs against the wall.

"Close your eyes," Spike instructed.

River screwed her eyes shut against the sudden harsh light. It was only the light-stick, but after hours of utter and complete darkness, even its small glow was a shock to her eyes. Slowly she allowed herself to acclimatize to it, opening her eyes again by degrees.

Finally, she opened her eyes fully. The light from the stick cast a strange glowing reflection on the sharp angles of Spike's face. His defined cheek bones, his high forehead, his icy blue eyes.

"Here," he said. He fished in the satchel, and pulled out a nutrient bar. It was half eaten.

"How many more?" River asked.

"You've got plenty," Spike lied. But his thoughts were troubled.

"Don't lie. I'll find out the truth anyways," River reminded him.

Spike sighed.

"Won't you please let me protect you?"

"Not a little girl any more," River argued. "Simon still sees me as a little girl, as his _mei mei_. But I'm not. I'm nineteen soon. Isn't that old enough to know the truth?"

"You're right," Spike said, with a sigh. "You're not a girl, you're a woman. I'm sorry. I just wish…" he shook his peroxide-dyed head. "Two bars. We have two bars left. That's four more days, five if we push it."

"Water?" River asked.

Spike shook his head.

"Two more days only."

Two more days, thought River. Her life consisted of two more days.

_

* * *

_

Day Five

It was no good. No matter which way she turned, River was uncomfortable. The floor of the cave was rocky, and sharp stalagmites stuck up all over it. Spike had cleared a spot as best he could for her, but there was no place she could get comfortable.

River turned over again.

"It's no use, luv," Spike said.

"I didn't mean to wake you," River replied.

Spike snorted.

"With all that tossing and turning? You would have woken up an elephant. Come here."

River's eyes were useless, but in their absence, her sense of hearing, her attunement to her companion, had grown strong. Even in the darkness, she knew exactly where Spike was. Moving a few feet, River found him with his back against the stone wall of the cave.

Spike stretched out his legs.

"Put your head in my lap, luv," he said.

River hesitated.

"You won't get any sleep," she murmured. "Not sitting up."

"Vampire," he reminded her. "Don't need as much sleep as you do. Now come here."

"I…"

River felt a rush of gratitude towards the vampire, mixed with a feeling that she couldn't categorize. It was hot and dizzying and confusing. She inched towards him, putting her head tentatively in Spike's lap.

Spike shrugged out of his long leather coat, and draped it over River, so that she wouldn't be cold.

"You go to sleep now," Spike murmured. "When you wake up we'll keep walking. I think I hear water running. It's very far away, but we'll probably reach it by tomorrow."

His hand gently stroked her hair in a soothing motion, and River felt her eyelids getting heavy.

They were still stranded in a collapsed cave, with perhaps no way out. She still only had a day's worth of water left. They were perhaps going to die. But right at that moment, River felt safe.

_

* * *

_

Day Six

The sound of water was the most beautiful thing River had ever heard. The chatter of a running stream sounded more beautiful than the most soul-stirring symphony that River's parents had ever taken her to. It pounded in her ears, even drowning out Spike's ubiquitous thoughts.

"Maybe we're not going to die after all," Spike said cheerfully.

"Did you think we were?" asked River, smiling.

"Nah," answered Spike. "We're pretty hard to kill, you and me."

"Ain't no power in the 'verse can stop us," River agreed.

The stream, when they got to it, was small and icy cold. But River didn't care. She had drunk the last drop from her flask hours ago, and thirst burned in her throat. The tunnel widened out a little, with flat ground between them and the stream. River ran forward with a cry of delight, dropping to her knees and scooping the water up with her hands, letting it run down her filthy arms and over her dusty face. She laughed with the delight of it, the taste and the feeling.

Spike was laughing too.

"You're a mess," he teased.

River, looking through his eyes, had to agree.

"So are you," she replied.

Spike smirked.

"You can't see me."

River reached over, touching a wet finger to his cheek.

"I can _feel_ you," she replied.

Spike cleared his throat.

"Yeah, well, what I feel is wet." He reached his hand into the stream, and splashed her, eliciting a shriek of protest from River. She splashed him back, and it didn't stop until both were soaked and out of breath from laughing. At least, River was out of breath.

They both washed as best they could in the small stream, washing away many days' worth of dirt and grime.

Spike pulled a small packet out of his pocket.

"Do you mind if I use your flask?" he asked. "I'll wash it out afterwards."

River glanced at his mind, and knew instantly what he was going to do.

"Wash it _thoroughly_ when you're done," she warned.

"Yeah, yeah," Spike grumbled. He filled the flask with water, then ripped open the packet and poured half the powder into the flask. He shook it well, and then drank it down in one gulp.

"What does it taste like?" River asked.

"Like chalk," Spike said, making a face. "But it's got all the essential vitamins and minerals for a growing vampire such as myself. Powdered blood. Gotta love progress."

"You're not still growing, are you?" River asked.

"Wouldn't you like to know," Spike teased.

River felt her face flush.

"Are you going to rinse that out?" she asked.

"Huh?" Spike glanced down at the flask in his hand. "Oh. Yeah. Right." He rinsed the flask out well, and refilled it with water.

River took another long drink, and then they set off again.

"We'll just follow the water," said Spike. "The water'll find a way to get out, and so will we."

His wet hand found River's, holding on to it above her damp sleeve.

"We're going to get out of this, luv," he said. And for the first time, River believed him.

_

* * *

_

Day Seven

They followed the water. As it went along, their tiny trickle became a larger and larger stream. Soon it took up the entire passageway, and they were forced to wade. It was lucky for them that as yet, it seemed to be shallow, if cold.

"We're just going to follow the little stream that could. It's getting bigger, it's got to get out of this cave some time. Soon it'll be a river, River," Spike said, chuckling at his own joke.

River rolled her eyes.

"You couldn't come up with better than that?"

Spike shrugged.

"I'm working on powdered blood here. So sue me."

They lapsed into silence, the only sound the splashing that accompanied each step they took, and the echoes as the sound reverberated on the cave walls.

"Will you leave, when we get out of here?" River asked, suddenly.

Spike blinked at the sudden topic change.

"Leave?"

"Go away. Off to wherever they send you. Will you go?"

"Do you want me to go?" Spike asked.

River thought about it for a moment.

"No."

"Oh."

His hand in hers was wet and cold, but it was comforting. River thought that perhaps she could live her whole life with his hand in hers. Which made it worse when he pulled his hand away. River felt the loss instantly.

"River, I… I don't think this is a good idea."

River could hear it in his thoughts before he spoke.

"That's no excuse," she whispered. "That girl, she hurt you. But I wouldn't."

"I loved her very much."

River saw her in his thoughts. She was the complete opposite of River – blond, peppy, sarcastic. Somehow older and more mature than her years. River felt his love for his girl, his willingness to die for her. His heartbreak when she chose another. His desire to shield himself from that kind of hurt again.

"It was a long time ago," Spike said softly. "And my heart mended. But it still feels the ache sometimes. I'd be afraid… River, luv, I don't want to hurt you like that. I'm a lot older than you. A _lot_ older. And I'm a vampire."

"And I'm a broken doll," said River. "But I know what I feel."

She stopped walking, turning to face him in the dark. She pressed her hand against his chest.

"I've never felt this way before," she whispered.

Spike turned away from her, began walking again.

"You're confused. We've been trapped here, together, for so long. What you're feeling, it's fear and gratitude and relief at still being alive. That's all."

River shook her head. That wasn't it at all. He didn't understand.

"I've died before," she said. "At the Academy. On Miranda. Pieces of me died. Reevers and Alliance and bounty hunters. I know what _afraid_ feels like. This is…" she didn't have the words to describe it.

"Not the same, luv. Not the same as knowing you were going to die, and then not."

River cocked her head to one side, peeping into his mind.

"You feel it, too."

"Get out of my head, seer!" Spike said, harshly. The splashing of his feet became louder as he attempted to put some distance between himself and River.

"Can't," said River firmly. "Can't help hearing what's being shouted. Spike, stop."

Spike stopped walking, waited with a helpless air as River caught up to him. She stood in front of him, looking up at where she knew his face was. She barely came up to his shoulders.

"I hear you," River said. "I know you. I've spent all these hours in the dark hearing nothing but your thoughts. I know what you know. I feel what you feel." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "Am I feeling this, or are you?"

"We both are," Spike admitted. He sighed, and ran a hand through his unruly curls, long since fallen out of their gelled prison. "Bloody woman. What have you done to me?"

It was absurd, really. Both were filthy and soaking wet. They were both hungry and tired and alone in the pitch dark with no one but each other. But none of those things mattered. River rose up on her toes, and Spike inclined his head, and they met somewhere in the middle, their lips brushing in a soft kiss, as gentle and caressing as a butterfly's wing. River closed her eyes, savouring the feeling. She had never been kissed before. It made her feel light as air, like she would float away, if Spike's arms weren't holding her to the ground.

No one could blame her for wanting more. She had never felt anything like this before. She wrapped her arms around Spike's neck, and pulled him down, kissing him again. This kiss was different. It was full of heat and passion and a promise of… what exactly? River didn't know. But the echo of Spike's thoughts told her he did. And he wanted it as much as she did.

"River," Spike whispered. His voice was rough with emotion. "I…"

River put a finger to his lips.

"I know," she whispered.

"I wish I could…"

"Shhhh," River interrupted him suddenly. She could hear something. Something beyond Spike's thoughts, and the pounding of her own heart. Another mind. She could hear another mind.

"Someone else is here," she said, her voice filled with excitement. "Spike, there's a way out!"

Spike's mind shifted gears at a lightning pace.

"Come on!" he said.

Together, they splashed through the water.

"Can you see it?" Spike breathed. "Can you see?"

River closed her eyes, and looked through his. Through his vampire eyes, she could see it – a speck of light ahead in the distance.

"Light," she whispered. And then louder. "Light!"

Spike hugged her, picking her up and joyously swinging her around.

"Light! River, luv, we're getting out of here!"

The passage was wide enough now that they were able to scramble up the bank of the river and walk on dry land. It was a relief to walk on something solid.

It took several hours to get to the light. River was exhausted in half the time.

"I'll carry you, if you get too tired," Spike offered.

River shook her head.

"Want to walk out of here on my own two feet," she explained. "Want the cave to know I didn't die."

Spike nodded his head.

"I understand that."

So he didn't complain when she slowed the pace down just a little.

The light ahead of them grew and grew, until even River's weaker eyes could see it. The thoughts got louder, though they were a muddle of emotions and wordless thoughts. He was panning for gold. He wasn't supposed to be there.

And then River could see it. An opening in the cave. A starry sky. She laughed with delight, clapping her hands together like a small child.

"Oy, you there!" Spike called. "You up ahead!"

Silhouetted against the stars, a man turned.

"Who's there?" he called, lifting up a lantern.

River shielded her face from the sudden, intense light.

"Mind putting that away?" Spike said. "Our eyes are a little bit sensitive."

"Did you come from in there?" the man asked.

Spike nodded.

"All the way through."

"Impossible. There's miles and miles of cave."

"Long walk," Spike said. "Do you have something to eat? The girl's exhausted. Oh, and can we use your link to the Cortex?"

It took Serenity two hours and fourteen minutes to get to where they were. River counted every second. Simon's voice was weak with relief when he answered her wave.

"_Mei Mei? _River? Is that really you?"

"I'm me, Simon," she said, smiling at his face. She touched the screen lovingly.

"Where you been?" Mal demanded in the background. "We've been searchin' darn near the whole planet for you, Albatross."

"Got through the caves," said River. "Sending you my coordinates now."

She punched in the coordinates the gold panner had provided her with.

"Got 'em," said Mal

River tears creep into her voice.

"Come get me?" she asked.

"We're goin' right now," Mal assured her. "Liftin' off right this second."

"Don't worry, River," assured Simon. "We're coming to get you."

The screen went blank as she ended the wave.

A tear trickled down River's cheek. She hadn't cried before. Before, she had had to be strong, to concentrate on _not dying_. Now, there was no need. She didn't have to be brave now. Staring at the darkened screen, River felt another tear roll down her cheek, then another.

"Don't cry, luv," said a familiar and comforting voice. River turned into him, letting him hold her.

"I don't understand women," Spike said into her hair. "You face life or death situations and you're hard as nails. No water? No problem. We'll get out of it. Keep calm and carry on. Your family comes for you, and you start with the waterworks."

"Fear was holding me together before," River whispered. "Now nothing's holding me together."

"I'm holding you," Spike pointed out.

And he was.

* * *

River stood outside under the star studded sky as Serenity made her touchdown. The gold panner had long ago taken off, along with the satchel and its contents that had kept her alive for so long. His reward for his help. Spike hung back near the cave entrance, as if he was afraid of open spaces. But River was standing still under the sky, soaking in the feeling of _big_ and _wide_ and _open_.

As soon as Serenity touched down, and almost before the cargo hold opened, Simon was out, running towards her.

"_River!_" he shouted.

River gave a strangled cry of joy, and ran towards him, flinging herself into her brother's arms. They embraced tightly, as if to reassure each other that they were actually there, together.

Simon finally pulled away, taking her by the shoulders and shaking her lightly.

"Don't you ever do that to me again," he said.

River laughed.

"I promise."

By this time the hold was open, and the rest of Serenity was coming towards them. River hugged Kaylee and Inara, and received a gruff "glad you're alright," from Mal. Even Jayne looked happy to see her.

But while the reunion was going on, River couldn't help glancing over at the entrance to the cave, at a tall, lithe figure wreathed in shadow.

"How'd you get out anyhow?" Jayne asked. "We thought you were a goner."

Kaylee elbowed him in the ribs.

"Well, we did," he defended himself.

"Not that we ain't glad you survived, River," said Zoe, "But we're all mighty curious as to how."

"Spike," said River.

"What's a Spike?" asked Inara.

"The crazy guy with the gun back at the deal gone wrong?" Mal asked.

But River wasn't listening. She hadn't been answering their question, she had been calling to him. Breaking away from the group, River walked towards him, her hands outstretched.

"Spike," she said again. "Please."

"Nah, luv. You go play happy family," Spike answered. "I don't want to ruin that."

"Please," River said.

Spike looked away, then back up at her.

"Don't give me that look," he said. "Like I just kicked your puppy."

She was within reaching distance of him now. Her hands were still outstretched.

"Come with me," she begged. "Please, Spike."

Spike shook his head.

"I don't belong on a floating sardine can, pet. You know that."

But River could feel his hesitation. It gave her courage. She knew what to say.

"Just for a little while. I need you."

It was a low trick, playing on his need to be the hero, to rescue the damsel.

Spike looked at her face, then down at her hand. Then, he chuckled.

"You know how to wring a bloke's heart, pet. Even when he hasn't got one."

"You have a heart, Spike," River assured him. "I feel it."

He slipped his hand into hers, entwining their fingers.

River favoured him with a breathtaking smile.

"Come and meet my family," she said, pulling him back to the watching group. Everyone was looking at her curiously, and Simon's face was an interesting shade of purple.

River turned to Mal.

"Permission to come aboard, Captain?" she asked.


	2. Chapter 2

He was sitting on a crate in the lading dock, quietly smoking a cigarette. In the dimness of Serenity's sleep cycle, the cigarette's glowing light cast strange shadows on the sharp angles of his face. He blew out a cloud of smoke that lingered around him.

River crept forward, her bare feet making no sound against the metal grating of the floor. Her long white nightgown made her look like a ghost as she moved forward towards Spike's back.

"Can't sleep, seer?" he asked, without turning towards her, or moving at all.

River pouted, walking around the crate to face him.

"How did you know it was me?"

Spike smirked.

"Vampire, remember? I could hear you breathing, your heart beating."

River climbed up onto the crate, sitting beside him.

"Why aren't you tucked up in your beddy bye, pet?" Spike asked.

River drew her feet up under her nightgown.

"Couldn't sleep. The dreams were too loud," she whispered.

"Yours or others'?"

"Mine, this time."

"What were they about?" Spike asked.

With anyone else, River would have said something cryptic and half true, but this was Spike. They had spent a week in a cave with nothing but each others' company and the hope that they'd get out alive. She's been inside his head and he'd been in hers and they _knew_ each other. With him, she could tell the truth.

"Dark," said River. "Dark and cold. Hands-of-Blue. Running and killing and afraid. Always afraid." She shivered with the memories of things she wished her mind would forget.

"Cold, luv?" Spiked asked. He put his arm around her and drew her close to his side.

River wasn't cold. Not in the way he meant. But any excuse to cuddle close to Spike was good enough for her.

"You're too young and too pretty to be having dreams like that," Spike said. "Those kinds of dreams should be reserved for the likes of me – old killers who've lived longer than their years."

River cuddled closer to him, breathing in the scent of tobacco and leather and spicy soap.

"You've been a white hat longer than you've been a black hat," she reminded him.

Spike sighed.

"I'm just like him, you know," He said. River saw in his head who he meant – tall, dark, dressed all in black with a black leather jacket over top. "I hated him for being such a poof, and now I'm exactly like he was. Trying to earn my salvation."

Dim memories from a childhood of religious instruction flitted through River's head.

"Can't earn salvation," she reminded him.

"What about atonement then?" Spike asked. "Can I earn atonement? Because I've been trying for 600 years, and I'm no closer than I was before."

"See?" said River softly. "White hat. Black hat wouldn't bother."

"Yeah, I'm a bloody hero."

They lapsed into silence. Spike took another drag from his cigarette. River had always found the smell of tobacco to be repulsive, polluting the already polluted air. But with Spike, the smell was somehow comforting. It hung around him like a perfume, an integral part of who he was. She took deep breaths, breathing it in.

"Do you want to be a hero?" River asked.

"I used to," said Spike. "Back when my soul was a shiny new toy. I wanted to be a champion."

"You wanted to be a real boy," It was all right there in his head. River could see it. "For the girl."

"The things I've done for a girl," Spike chuckled. "The things I did for _that_ girl."

"Do you still want to be a real boy?"

Spike looked contemplative.

"I don't know. When you've lived as long as I have, mortality becomes a pretty abstract concept."

"You like being immortal," River summed up.

"It has its advantages," Spike admitted. He looked down at her, cuddled close to him, her deep brown eyes looking up at him trustingly. He brushed a strand of her dark hair out of her pale face. "Look at you. You're so young."

"Too young?" River asked, pulling away from him.

Spike's lips twisted into an ironic smile.

"Luv, when you've lived as long as I have, you're bound to be the oldest person in the room"

"Everyone thinks I'm a child," River whispered. "Treat me like one. Poor broken doll." She glanced at him. "Do _you_ think I'm a child?"

"When I was a lad, birds were old maids if they weren't married by 20," Spike shook his peroxide-dyed head, amused. "Those were the days."

"I'm almost 19," River said. "Grown up by anyone's standards."

Spike let his eyes rake her form, swathed in the light nightgown.

"Oh, you're all woman."

River felt herself blushing under his scrutiny.

"The things in you head…" she murmured.

"Too much or too little?" Spike leered.

River smiled up at him.

"Just right."

Spike chuckled.

"You're a tease, luv."

River dropped her teasing attitude.

"What if I wasn't joking?" She asked.

Spike surveyed her.

"What if you weren't?"

"Would you take me seriously, Spike, if I said I wanted you?"

Spike leaned towards her, until his face was only a hands-breadth from hers. River could feel his breath on her cheeks. He smelled like cigarettes and incense.

"How serious do you want me to take you?"

In response, River closed the gap between them, kissing him with the pent-up fire that she had been keeping inside her for a long time now. His kiss was hard, possessive, insistent. River closed her eyes and drank it in.

Anticipation curled in her belly, and suddenly she knew what she wanted. She pulled away from him, and smiled.

"Come," she said, hopping off the crate and taking Spike's hand. She gently pulled him along, and he followed, stopping her to steal kisses in the darkened hallways.

"Where we going?" he asked.

River grinned.

"You'll see."

She led him to her cabin, pulling him inside and closing the doors. The lock slid into place with a definitive _click_.

Spike looked around the small cabin, the tidily made bed, the various clothes and objects dropped carelessly on the floor.

"Uh, luv, this is your bunk."

"Yes," said River. "Thought it would be better than the hold. Don't want Simon walking in on us." She leaned up on her tip toes and kissed him again.

Spike leaned his forehead against hers.

"Are you sure, River?" he asked quietly. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

River entwined her hand with his.

"Grown girl. Strings cut. I want this," she whispered.

Spike's smile was predatory.

"Good," he said. His lips crashed onto hers, and his free hand grabbed fistfuls of soft material, and pulled them up.

* * *

"Do you feel any different?" Spike asked, running his hand over her arm and down the curve of her waist.

River smiled sleepily.

"Whole," she said. "I feel whole."


	3. Chapter 3

Simon sighed, and rifled through the various things sitting on top of the counter in his infirmary. He couldn't find his electron stethoscope. He hated when his equipment went missing. He had precious little of it, and he liked to run a tidy infirmary. Now where had he had it last?

Simon closed his eyes and tried to visualize where he had had his stethoscope last. He'd used it to hear Zoe's heartbeat two weeks ago when she'd come in complaining of chest pains. Then he'd put it down and…

River.

River had been playing with it only a few days ago. She loved that thing. She always wanted to hear her own heartbeat, or accost somebody else and hear theirs. She said it helped her "manifest them as concrete constructs of the will." Whatever that meant.

Simon shook his head, and headed out of his infirmary. If the stethoscope was anywhere, it was going to be River's room. She was kind of a magpie.

For a brief second, he considered asking her before he went looking at it, and then decided against it. She would only refuse to let him have the stethoscope back, and at the rate this crew got into danger, he would probably need it to save someone's life one of these days.

Slipping through the hallways, Simon made his way to River's room. Since he had moved in with Kaylee in her bunk, River had the quarters they had formerly shared all to herself.

He met Inara on the way, smiling to her as she passed him in a rustle of skirts.

"Kaylee in the engine room?" she asked.

Simon nodded.

"Making sure the ship doesn't fall apart, as usual," he joked.

"Thanks," said Inara, heading towards Kaylee's domain.

Simon hurried onward towards River's room. The sliding door was unlocked. Simon slid it open, and slipped into the room. It was slightly untidy, things thrown here and there. Now, where would River hid his stethoscope?

Simon smiled slightly as he picked up a pink sweater from the floor. He was about to lay it tidily on the back of the chair when the object that had been underneath it caught his eye.

Immediately Simon froze, staring with disbelief. This could_ not_ be what he thought it was. There was no way. Lying crumpled on the floor, as if it had been hastily cast off, was a distinctive dark blue shirt.

Simon saw red

* * *

Spike was lounging in his seat, smirking over the top of his cards.

"How many, luv?"

Zoe's face was impassive over the kitchen table as she considered her hand.

"One," she said.

Spike passed her one card, which she put in the pace of the one she had just cast off. He glanced down at his own cards, and fought back a smirk. Warrior woman was going_ down_ this time. He was pretty much a master of every game imaginable. 500 years was a long time with which to improve your pokers skills. Except for mah jung. He was rubbish at that game. Never could get the hang of it.

Heavy footsteps made both Spike and Zoe look up. Simon sprinted into the kitchen, a crumpled shirt in his hand. He barreled straight into Spike, pulling the vampire up by the scruff of his neck with surprising strength.

"You care to explain this, you scum?" he demanded.

"Hey now," objected Zoe. "What's goin' on here, Simon?"

Spike regarded Simon's furious face with cool indifference.

"Yeah, what's up, doc?" he smirked at his own (long defunct) pop culture reference.

"I ought to beat you within an inch of your life," Simon threatened. He let go of Spike, stepping back just long enough to shove the wad of material into Spike's face.

"You found my jumper," Spike said. "Cheers, mate."

"Do you know where I found this?" Simon asked through gritted teeth.

"Been going through my things again, Sunshine?" Spike asked snarkily. "If you wanted a pair of my knickers, all you had to do was ask."

"I found them on River's floor," Simon growled.

Zoe gave a soft "Oh" in the background.

Spike kept his face impassive.

"Yeah. And?"

Simon's punch blindsided Spike. He stumbled backwards, and then regained himself, gingerly touching his nose. It throbbed painfully as he shoved it back in place. No way he was spending the rest of eternity with a crooked nose.

"You done yet?" he asked.

Simon was furious. He took another swing at Spike, which Spike easily deflected. He swung around, cuffing Simon on the cheek. Simon's lip began to bleed.

"Don't think I'll let you have another freebee, boy," Spike growled. "I haven't come this far in life to let a poncy rich boy like you beat me around."

Zoe surged forward to come between them, but Spike held her off with a raised hand.

"Think this is between me and the doc, luv," he said.

Zoe considered the two of them as carefully as she had been considering her cards, and the nodded one short, sharp nod. Her footsteps echoed on the metal grating as she left the kitchen. No sooner was she gone, but Simon began to speak again.

"How dare you?" Simon ground out. "How dare you? My little sister! She's a _child_!"

Spike scoffed.

"Your sister, mate, is a grown woman."

"I'm not your _mate_!" Simon yelled.

Spike shrugged. Semantics.

"She's just a girl. How could you take advantage of her like that?" Simon demanded.

Spike let out a sputtering laugh.

"You been living with your eyes shut, doc? River ain't a little girl no more. She's 19. Where I come from, she'd be married by now. And she's certainly old enough to make her own decisions without big brother's say-so. Open your eyes, doc. Your little girly's all grown up."

"You took her innocence!" Simon's voice went up an octave.

"She gave it to me!" Spike glared at Simon. "I didn't take anything that wasn't offered. 'S not my style." For a split second, Spike recalled blond hair and a bathroom floor, and a sweet voice begging him to stop, to leave her alone. The memory left him cold inside.

Simon's eyes blazed with anger.

"You're saying she, what, seduced you?

"'M saying it was mutual, _mate_."

"So you thought, what? You'd take a crack at her, while she was offering?"

It was Spike's turn to punch Simon. The force of the blow sent Simon sprawling on the ground.

"You understand _nothing_," Spike said fiercely. "You think River's what, some quick shag?"

"What am I meant to think?" Simon asked, picking himself up.

"How can you think that about your own sister? What's wrong with you?" Spike snapped.

"It's not her I think that of," Simon fired back. "She's barely more than a child and very vulnerable, and I don't know you from Adam. You just waltz in here with your black coat and your air of mystery, and…"

"And River's young and impressionable and bound to swoon?" Spike finished for him. "I think I've got to tell you a few things about your sister, mate. She's young, but she ain't stupid. And I understand her in a way you never will."

"I'm her brother," Simon spat. "I understand everything about her."

"No, you don't," Spike contradicted. "You might have, once, when you were kids. You understood her childish hopes and dreams. But she's got different ones now."

Simon blushed at his implications.

"You see her like a patient, like someone who's got to be fixed," Spike continued. "Truth is, she's fine just the way she is. She's not broken."

"You didn't know her before the Academy got to her," Simon replied. "You didn't know the happy girl she was."

"But I know her now. Don't you bloody get it, doc? She thinks she's broken, that there's something wrong with her. There's nothing wrong with her. She's never going to go back to the girl you knew, but she _can_ be the woman she's becoming."

Simon considered Spike, a look of surprise on his cultured features.

"You really think that, don't you?" he said finally.

Spike nodded.

"I've known some seers in my time. They're all a bit off their rockers. But they're not broken."

"The Academy…"

"Did terrible things to her. And I will make them pay for it, sooner rather than later. But she's not your patient any more. You better cut those apron strings, doc, or you're going to loose her."

"Do you love her?" Simon asked bluntly.

Spike rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed.

"I care about her," he admitted. "A lot. A lot more than a lot. More than I thought I'd care about anyone again."

Simon looked straight into the taller man's eyes.

"If you hurt her, even a little bit, I know poisons that cause terrible pain before they kill. I _will_ hunt you down, no matter where you are, and I _will_ kill you, no matter what it takes."

Spike considered Simon, and then gave a sharp nod of his head.

"Fair enough, mate," he said.

Simon tossed Spike's shirt to him, and Spike caught it deftly. Simon turned on his heels, and walked out of the kitchen.

"I'm not your mate," he threw over his shoulder.


	4. Chapter 4

Spike had been on Serenity for three weeks when the wave came.

"Monty, old friend! How are ya, mate?"

The demon smiled at him.

"Not too shabby, Spike. And yourself? I hear you're travelling with a possy now. Time was you travelled solo."

Spike shrugged.f

"Man's gotta have company. What can I do ya for?"

Monty grinned.

"Got a message from the Higher Powers for you. Got a new slayer they want you to pick up on Diamer."

Spike looked thoughtful.

"Diamer. That's one of the Inner Planet moons, isn't it?"

Monty nodded.

"Think you can get your new friends to take you there?"

Spike smirked.

"I can do anything."

* * *

"Oy, Cap, can I talk to you?"

Mal looked up from Serenity's controls.

"Don't fathom why not."

Spike threw himself into River's co-pilot chair, stretching his legs out.

"I need to high me to Diamer. Can that be possible? Might be a job in it for you."

Mal looking thoughtful.

"What kinda job?"

"Running something for a friend of mine to some Rim planets. Cargo is highly illegal but not dangerous. You interested?"

"What's in it for you?" Mal asked suspiciously.

Spike smirked.

"I've gotta spend a couple of hours in Diamer. Got a job there. Won't take long. By the time you make contact and pick up the goods, I'll be back." He crossed his arms over his black leather duster.

Mal squinted at him.

"Mind if I ask you, Spike, but what're you doing here?"

"Here on the bridge, or here on Serenity, or here in the universe? Cuz I've been asking myself that last one for a long time now."

"Here on Serenity," Mal clarified.

Spike shrugged.

"You're a good lot to fall in with. Long as I can go to jobs when I get summoned, I won't mind travelling around with you."

"That's another question," said Mal. "Who _do_ you work for?"

Spike shrugged again, enigmatically, in answer.

"See, that worries me," said Mal. "I can't fathom where your loyalties lie."

Spike's angular features darkened.

"Not sure myself. I'm not Alliance, if that's what you're worried 'bout. But I'm not a browncoat either. I'm smart enough to stay away from wars when they spring up," he smirked. "But other than that, I'm all ambiguity. It makes me more mysterious." Spike glanced towards the door with an affectionate smile. "River thinks I'm a white hat. I hope she's right."

Mal drew in a breath.

"River's like a sister to everyone on this boat. Now I know she's a grown girl, and she makes her own decisions, and I know the doc already talked to you, but she's been through more than you could imagine, and if'n you hurt that girl in any way I will kill you my own self."

The smirk had dropped from Spike's face. He nodded once, solemnly.

"I know how special River is," he said. "How good. Too good for the likes of me."

"Finally," said Mal, stretching. "Something we can agree on." He got up out of the pilot's chair, placing a dinosaur figurine that had been in his lap back down on the dashboard. "We can go to your moon. Set up the job."

* * *

"Shadows falling over faces. Knives glistening in the dark," River tightened her grip on Spike's arm, and looked up at him with her dark eyes. "Better with two."

"You can stop looking at me with those soulful eyes of yours, luv," Spike said, not without affection. "You're not coming with me."

"Could help," River pointed out.

Spike drew her close to him, kissing her thoroughly. He let his tongue skim over her lips, tasting her. She was so sweet. He could never get enough of her. He buried his hands in her dark curls and pulled her closer, as if to merge them into one being. When she was breathless, he pulled away, resting his forehead on her's.

"I have to do this one alone, River, luv," he said softly.

River allowed a smile to pull at her lips.

"You don't fight fair."

"Never claimed to," Spike replied. "You'll alright while I'm gone?"

"I'm going to revert to my former state of madness until you return," River declared.

Spike let out a bark of laughter.

"You do that, luv. I like you just the same when you're crazy as when you're sane."

River grabbed the lapels of Spike's coat, and with surprising force pulled him down to her, crashing her lips over his for another searing kiss. Spike thought his blood might have been set on fire.

"I know," she whispered.

"Bloody woman," Spike murmured into her lips. "You're going to be the death of me."

River grinned.

"Two can play at not fighting fair," she said.

"I've taught you too well," said Spike ruefully.

"_This_ I knew before," replied River.

"Saucy minx."

With the greatest reluctance, Spike pulled himself away from River, out of her arms.

"I'd better go now, pet, or I'm not going at all," he said.

It almost broke his unbeating heart to leave her standing there alone on the gangplank.

* * *

Spike set off through the thronging crowds. Bright lights flashed at him from all side as huge screens advertised shops and restaurants and fruit bars. A whore, a low class one without a thousandth part of Inara's grace and beauty, beckoned him but Spike waved her off. He had places to be, and River's kiss was still burning on his lips.

Managing to look unobtrusive, Spike slipped down a darkened alleyway. His vampire eyes immediately adjusted to the low lighting, making it as clear as day to him. A rat scurried by, and Spike's mouth watered.

He paused, sneering at himself. Hungry? Over a rat? It really _had_ been too long since he had last fed. Since he had started travelling with Serenity, in fact; since he had met River. It was a good thing he was going now.

With sure steps, Spike walked to the deserted doorway and pushed it open.

The small shop was dim and cluttered. Far away, a bell rang, announcing his entrance. Spike took a deep, unneeded breath. There was something about the smell of magic shops, the sage and spices, mixed with the dust from books and the smoke from candles, which reminded Spike of the Magic Box back in Sunnyhell. It reminded him, just for an instant, of a time when he hadn't carried the crushing burden of guilt that he now wore like a second skin.

From the depths of the shop, a wrinkled Chinaman appeared. He squinted through the gloom.

"Spike? That you?"

"How are ya, mate?" Spike asked, leaning casually against the counter.

"I thought you were dead," the proprietor of the store said, peering at Spike accusingly. "Eva Parker had it going around you were dead."

"Sorry to disappoint," said Spike. "But rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated. You can tell Eva Parker that it takes more than a few rocks to kill me. But we're not here for chitchat. I assume you still have it in stock?"

The Chinaman knew what Spike was referring to instantly. He reached behind the counter, and pulled out a small packet, which he tossed to Spike.

Spike caught it, inspecting it carefully.

"The good stuff," the Chinaman promised. "Grade A."

"All tastes like chalk anyhow," Spike replied. "This had better be the good stuff, not that rubbish you sold me last time."

The Chinaman smiled.

"I've had no complaints."

"I just complained."

The Chinaman shrugged.

"How much do you want?"

"How much have you got?" Spike asked.

"Three cases."

"All of it."

The Chinaman raised an eyebrow.

"All three? That's a large order, even for you."

"Picked up a ship," Spike said. "Gunna be off the grid for a while. I need to stock up."

"It's going to cost you," the Chinaman warned. "Powdered blood ain't cheap."

"Pony up," Spike said, by way of reply.

* * *

After Spike left the shadowy shop, leaving instructions where to send his cases of powdered blood, he headed straight to the nearest demon bar, and drank his fill of liquid blood. He didn't know when he would have it next, so he savoured every mouthful of the five pints he drank.

"Hungry, fella?" asked the barkeep.

Spike grinned at him, showing all his razer-sharp teeth.

"You have no idea."

Feeling pleasantly full, Spike hurried back into the bright lights of the main street. He had an appointment to keep.

* * *

The girl was sitting quietly by herself in the yard. Around her, the trees were in bloom, and stray petals drifted down around her like snowflakes. She was a slight thing with long, dark hair and large eyes. She reminded Spike of his River, a little. His dead heart gave a pang, but he shrugged it off. No use getting all emotional when he had a job to do.

The girl looked up as he approached her.

"Are you Spike?" she asked.

Spike nodded.

"That's right, pet."

He sat down on the bench beside her.

"I've heard about you," the girl said, her voice quiet and soothing. Spike supposed they taught Companions how to do that, lull a man with just their voices. Her tone was passive, but her hands were balled into fists in her lap. "You're less frightening than I though you would be."

"You're less spirited than I thought you would be," Spike replied. "I've known some slayers in my time, and usually they have a bit more fire in them."

The girl looked up at him for the first time, and there was anger in her dark eyes, fury behind her mask of calm indifference.

"There you go," Spike jeered. "That's a start."

The girl turned away, hiding her anger.

"My house mother told me you were a vampire, a blood drinker. Is that true?" she asked.

Spike smiled, showing all his teeth.

"It truly is."

"And you can bring me to the Watcher's Council? And they will cure me?"

Spike examined the girl. She was young, perhaps only 14 or 15. But she had probably never been outside the Guild House since she was first brought here as a small child. His contact in the Companion's Guild kept him informed of slayers who appeared within their ranks, about five or so a year.

The girl's face was as white as a sheet, and just as empty. They had trained her well. Spike felt a pang of sympathy for her. Her life was about to change drastically.

"Being a slayer isn't something they can cure you of, pet," he said gently. "It's a part of you now. What's your name?"

"Meilin," she replied.

"Come on, then," Spike said, jerking his thumb towards the street. "We've got a long way to go."

Meilin picked up the flimsy cloth bag filled with all her worldly goods, and followed him without glancing back once at the only home she had ever known.

* * *

They walked in silence.

"If I may be permitted to speak?" she asked politely, breaking the quiet between them.

Spike glanced down at her, holding back a chuckle. Her training was showing again.

"You don't ask permission from no one, girl. Not any more."

Meilin thought about this for a moment, and then nodded.

"Alright. Then I have a question. If I am a vampire slayer, and you are a vampire, does that not make us natural enemies? Why are you helping me?"

Ah, so she was bright. Spike smirked.

"You could say I'm the Council's oldest employee. They'll teach you lots of stuff about us vamps at the Summers Academy, pet, and one of them's that vampires don't have souls. They're demons living inside human bodies, no soul to be found. 'Cept me. I won my soul back a long time ago. Been at the Higher Powers' beck and call ever since."

"You won your soul back?" asked Meilin. "But why?"

A shadow fell across Spike's face.

"To be worthy of someone," he said.

* * *

"Spike! Three crates came for you!" Kaylee greeted him as he returned to Serenity. "I put 'em in the galley."

"Thanks, pet," Spike said. "How'd the job go?"

River, getting up from her place sitting beside Kaylee on the lowered ramp, made a face.

"Captain says if you ever send us on another job, he's going to cut off your head and use it for a soup bowl."

Spike winced.

"That bad, huh?"

River smiled.

"We got the goods, in the end." She came forward, wrapping her arms around his neck. "You came home to me."

"I always do," Spike replied, kissing her quickly. "There's someone I want you to meet. River, Kaylee, this is Meilin."

The slayer held back, looking on awkwardly as Spike greeted his friends.

River pulled away from him.

"You made a new friend?" she asked. Hurt and jealous flashed over her face. Quickly, Spike ran through his encounter with Meilin in his head, emphasizing that she was a charge, not an interest. River smiled as she saw these things, allowing Spike to pull her close to him again, resting her head on his chest.

Meilin gawped at them.

"It's rude to stare, you know," Kaylee told her primly.

Meilin continued anyway.

"Are you… like him?"

"No," said River. "A girl, like you. Human."

"But you know _what_ he is?"

River pulled away enough to look in Spike's face.

"Yes," she said. "I know."

Meilin's face was a picture of disgust. Spike tried not to let it hurt him. He'd seen that look before, on another slayer's face, long ago. But none of that mattered now.

"Cap'n says we're leaving in five minutes," Kaylee chirped.

River pulled away from him, and held out her hand to Meilin.

"I'll show you around," she offered.

* * *

Mal wasn't happy about taking on an impromptu passenger, and was immediately suspicious that Spike was running some sort of human trafficking ring. But after a discussion with Meilin, he let it pass. Meilin took an instant liking and almost hero worship of Inara for the three days that she was on board. Inara seemed to find it amusing, much to Spike's relief.

"The poor girl!" she said. "She's being moved to another chapter, and she's terrified about it." Inara peered at Spike. "How did you get involved in the Companion's Guild?"

"I have contacts everywhere," Spike replied vaguely. "They contract me out to do jobs."

Inara shook her head.

"Poor girl," she said again.

In the end, Meilin was fine. Spike passed her off to a Watcher's Council representative at the Beaumont chapter of the Summers Academy.

"You'll be fine, pet," he assured her. "These are good people, and they'll know how to help you."

"What if I don't want to be a slayer?" Meilin asked, her anxiety showing.

"You will, once they train you up a bit," Spike promised. He handed her bag to the watcher who had come for her. In five hundred years, watchers hadn't changed much. They were still stuffed shirts.

"Take good care of her, or I'll here of it," he threatened.

The watcher swallowed audibly.

"I will, Mr. Spike, sir."

Spike nodded, and with a final wave to Meilin, set off back to Serenity.

* * *

"Saved another one," River said, her fingers tracing idle patterns over his bare chest. "Rescued another lost soul from the darkness."

"Ironic, wouldn't you say," said Spike. "Me being a creature of darkness and all."

River's dark hair was tickling his nose. He brushed it away, pulling the blanket up over both of them.

"You may be a creature of darkness," said River. "But your soul is so bright."

A stab of affection and – dare he say it? – love, welled up in his chest for the tiny girl who lay across him. He had once won back his soul for a love like this.

For Buffy he had gained his soul. For River, he would make it clean again.


	5. Chapter 5

Spike was asleep when Kaylee came for him. He rarely slept in his own bunk, preferring River's quarters, but River had been touchy lately, and he thought it best to kip in his own bunk. Powdered blood always made him slightly lethargic.

The insistent knocking woke him. He sat bolt upright, his hand reaching for a weapon, before he remembered where he was.

"Come in."

Kaylee peered around the edge of the doorframe.

"Spike?"

Spike swung his legs over the edge of his bed, sitting up blearily and running a hand through his unruly curls. He was out of hair gel again.

"What is it, pet?" he asked.

Kaylee was troubled.

"It's River."

Spike was alert and on his feet in an instant, all the fogginess of sleep leaving him. Now that he was awake, his vampire senses could hear the commotion going on somewhere in the ship.

"Where is she?"

"Cargo bay."

Spike snatched up a shirt and pulled it over his head before hurrying after her.

"Simon said not to call you," Kaylee babbled nervously, "but you're the only one who can talk to her lately, and I ain't seen her this bad in a long time."

"You did the right thing, pet," Spike said. As they turned the corner towards the cargo bay, the shouting grew louder. As the metal grating of the stairs widened out into the open space of the cargo bay, he could see what the shouting was about.

River stood in the middle of the room, a blaster in one hand. Around her stood the crew, attempting by turns to coax her to let it go.

"This is it," Jayne grumbled. "Crazy's going to do herself in this time for sure. Or us. I'd rather it not be us, dong ma?"

"Shut it, Jayne," Mal said tersely.

"Give me the gun, River," Simon said, advancing towards her slowly. In his hand was clutched a syringe. He was going to try to sedate her.

"No!" River screamed. "No! You don't understand! Can't see what I see! Can't even burn the images out!" She pointed the gun to her head.

Spike acted on instinct. Instead of going down the metal stairs to the floor of the bay, he flung himself over the railing, landing graceful as a cat on the cargo bay floor.

"Put your poky stick away, Doc," he said as he brushed past the doctor, not a little bit disgusted with Simon's attitude towards his sister yet again.

"It will help her," Simon argued. "It's just a smoother. It will calm her down."

"Sedating her ain't the answer," Spike said, not taking his eyes off River. "Shame on you, Doc. You ought to know better by now."

"Don't presume to tell me what's best for my sister..."

Spike cut Simon off with a raised hand. Simon protested, but Spike ignored him completely, walking closer to River at a measured pace.

"Now then, luv, why don't you tell me what this is all about?" He said, keeping his voice calm and even.

River's eyes were wild.

"Can't you see it? Burning up the stars. Burning up my mind till there's nothing left. Better to end it now, fling yourself in the Black where it's quiet." She tapped her head with the muzzle of the blaster.

"What do you see?" Spike asked. He remembered when Dru used to get like this.

Behind him, Jayne snorted derisively.

"She's just babblin'. She's a moonbrain, Spike, she don't make no sense."

Spike ground his teeth together.

"Don't you people understand _anything_? She's a seer. Her visions are makin' her act like this, not cuz she's crazy. Now River," turning back to her. "Tell me what you saw."

"Evil," she whispered. "Everywhere. Can feel the sky tremble with it. In every heart. Hungry for blood."

"River, luv," said Spike in his best gentling tone. "Give me the gun, there's a good girl. Then we can talk about what you saw, alright? But right now you're scarin' your brother and the good captain. So you've got to give me the gun."

River looked down at her hand, as if surprised that there was a gun there. She looked from the gun to Spike's outstretched hand, then back again.

"Give it to me," Spike said again.

Slowly, River stretched out her arm, and laid the gun in Spike's open palm. Quicker than anyone could blink, Spike had passed the gun to Mal, and stepped forward, wrapping the trembling girl in his arms. She was so small already, and now she seemed to shrink, pulling her body in on itself.

"Shhh," he said, rubbing her back. With his free hand, he signaled to the crew that it was alright, that they could leave. He would take care of River.

"What about what she saw?" Simon asked.

"She'll talk about it when she's ready," said Spike.

* * *

They sat wrapped in each other's arms for a long time. Spike had managed to get River into his quarters, but for several hours she hadn't said a word, only holding him tighter and letting his thoughts flow over her mind like the gentle rush of water. He was worried about her.

"Sorry," she whispered, breaking the silence for the first time in hours. "Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry."

"For what, luv?" Spike murmured.

River shook her head sadly.

"For making you worry. For being a headcase. Crazy girl. Can't control the things she sees. She thought she could stop them from taking over, but they still do."

Spike pulled away from her so that he could see his face, gently stroking her dark hair away from her pale face.

"Never apologize for who you are."

"Who I am is not who I was supposed to be," River said.

"But it's who you are now," Spike reminded her. He was always so adamant about the fact that there was nothing wrong with her, even with the modifications the Academy had done to her.

River gave a shuddering sigh.

"Feel like I'm falling apart. Bits of me flying off. Nothing's holding me together."

Spike smiled, remembering how they had met, the collapsed cave where they had spent days alone in the dark thinking they were going to die.

"I'm holding you," he whispered.

River gave a half sob, and hid her face in her hands, her dark hair falling around her like a curtain.

Spike stroked River's hair soothingly and made a decision. The people who had done this to his River, they couldn't be allowed to live any more. He was a champion, he was in the business of defeating evil. This was one evil that was going to feel the full force of William the Bloody.

River pulled away from him, her eyes huge and dark in her pale face.

"You're going to go after them," she whispered.

"Can't let them do this to a single other person," Spike replied. "That's my job, innit? Stop the baddies. And these are baddies of the first order."

"I'm coming with you," River said, feeling dizzy at the whorl of Spike's thoughts as plans spun crazily in his head.

Spike gave her one long, hard look, then nodded.

"Tomorrow we'll tell Captain America we're taking the shuttle for a little private vendetta. For now, sleep, River, luv. You need your strength."

River settled down in his arms, snuggling against him and breathing in the familiar odour of leather and cigarette smoke.

"Tomorrow the drumming stops," she agreed.

* * *

It took a lot of convincing, but in the end Mal agreed to lend them the extra shuttle. They didn't tell him why they wanted it, but the look in Spike's eye – cold and still to the point of being unnerving – was enough to convince the Captain that this wasn't just a romantic getaway. That, and the wickedly sharp knife that River strapped to her thigh, then covered demurely with her skirt.

"A trip?" asked Simon, surprised, when River told him. "A trip where?"

River shook her head at her brother.

"Got business to finish," she said. "Left things undone far too long."

Simon glared at Spike, whose fault this obviously was, but Spike gave him a blank expression, and holstered his old fashioned gun.

"Guess I better go get my white hat," Spike said with a glance at River. "Today I'm a Champion."

* * *

Col. Joran MacKenzie was having a bad day. What was supposed to be a routine maintenance check of all the systems had turned into a full-scale investigation after the base on Isis had gone silent. They'd missed their last four scheduled checkups, and they weren't responding to waves. Then the logged security footage had arrived, and all hell had broken loose.

MacKenzie glared ferociously at the sergeant who was furiously typing at his console. He could already feel the pressure headache building up behind his eyes.

"How could this happen?" MacKenzie ground out. "Isis is the most secure base in the entire Alliance of Planets, and you're telling me two malcontents just _waltzed_ in there and started shooting?"

"I don't know how this could have happened, sir," stuttered the unfortunate sergeant. "No one does. They came out of nowhere."

"Show me the vid," MacKenzie barked.

The sergeant typed frantically, and the screen in front of him lit up with a grainy black and white picture. It was of the lab on Isis, the place known colloquially as "the Academy". MacKenzie didn't even want to think about the experiments done there. It was better for his sanity if he didn't.

Two scientists were going about their business, chatting to each other as they mucked around with beakers and test tubes. A loud explosion outside the door made them both turn. The door burst open, and in walked two figures. One was a tall man with bleached blond hair slicked back to accentuate his angular features. His long black leather coat, which fell to his ankles, billowed out behind him like the wings of an avenging angel. He was holding a smoking gun easily in his hand. Behind him was a tiny girl, all dark hair and flowing purple dress, the long, wickedly sharp knife in her hands dripping blood.

"You don't have authorization to be here," said one of the scientists, with all the bravado a trembling voice could display.

The tall man smiled, and his smile was like a razor cut.

"Oh, I'm pretty sure we don't have authorization for much, mate," he replied, his accent a strange cant that MacKenzie had never heard before. He aimed his gun at the scientist.

"Security will be here any minute," said the other scientist, who was still clutching a beaker as if it would save him.

"No," said the girl in a sing-song voice. "They won't." She took a step forward, her dark purple dress billowing around her legs. MacKenzie noticed, with a sort of detached curiosity, that despite her delicate dress, she was wearing heavy combat boots on her feet.

"Who _are_ you?" the scientist with the beaker gasped.

The man with the black coat chuckled deep in his chest.

"I'm a ghost," he replied. "And as for this girl, well you ought to know that for yourself, seein' as she was a guest here for a time."

"Don't you recognize me?" asked the girl.

The two scientists stared at her like she'd gone mad. And perhaps she had. She had a glint in her eye that made MacKenzie's blood run cold.

"I was a 'patient' of yours," the girl continued. "You took away my innocence and made me into a soldier." She raised her knife. "You'll not do it again." Her knife blurred into action. Two bloodstained heaps fell to the floor, amid the sound of shattering glass.

Through the door filed four men in suits, their gloves a startling blue colour. MacKenzie felt himself tense. He'd never seen a Gentleman in real life before, he didn't have high enough clearance. But he knew what they could do. He'd seen the damage reports and clean-up bills.

"You will come with us now," said one of the blue-handed men.

"Nah," drawled the tall man with the bleached hair. "I don't think we will. You want to go with them, luv?"

The girl shook her head, her eyes fixed on the men in the doorway.

"It ends here," she said, her voice shaking only slightly. "You will never come in my dreams again. You will never cut and cut and tear out parts of people till they scream to make the pictures stop."

The blue-handed men, as one, pulled out small pen-like objects from their pockets. Before they could move, the man and the girl were once again a blur of motion. The blue-gloved men were dead before they could even move.

The girl stared dispassionately at the carnage that was left in the room. She cocked her head at her companion, who was calmly lighting up a cigarette.

"Can I borrow your gun?" she asked.

The man handed it to her.

"Not going to blow your own brains out, are you?" he asked, with an edge of a amusement in his voice.

The girl cocked her head at him, her dark hair falling around her shoulders like curtain.

"Got a better use for this," she replied. She turned, and looked straight at the camera. MacKenzie had to stop himself from jumping backwards. The girl was looking directly at the hidden security camera, her eyes large and dark in her pale face, with rivulets of hair hanging down on either side of it. It was like the girl was looking right at them.

"Message received?" she asked, in her sing-song voice. Then, she aimed her gun, and shot out the camera.

The image instantly dissolved into fuzz.

MacKenzie took a shaky step backwards.

"Is there anything left of the base on Isis?" he asked the sergeant.

The sergeant shook his head.

"Nothing, sir," said the sergeant, who looked as shaken up as the colonel felt. "No responses to any of our waves, and flyovers indicate the base is on fire. We can't get a clear reading through the smoke."

"Who are they?" he asked, jabbing his finger at the screen, which was frozen on an image of the girl and the man in the black coat.

"We're running facial recognition software now, sir," he said. "The girl we've already identified as River Tam. She was a patient of the Academy until her escape at the hands of her brother three years ago."

"River Tam," said MacKenzie musingly. "She was behind the Miranda Broadwave, wasn't she?"

The sergeant nodded.

"And the other one? The man in the black coat?"

The sergeant shook his head.

"We've run him three times, and nothing. No records, no pictures, not even a whisper. He's no one, sir. Like he said, a ghost."

"There has to be something," MacKenzie insisted. "This man just helped River Tam take out the entire Academy. There must be something on him."

The sergeant shook his head.

"The only thing that keeps coming up is two words sir."

"Which are?" MacKenzie said, feeling his impatience rise.

The sergeant was still and quiet as he read the words out from his screen.

"_Watcher's Council._"


	6. Chapter 6

River didn't mean to brood, really she didn't. She wasn't one for that sort of thing. But somehow she couldn't help aimlessly wandering from one room to the next, looking for something to do. The ship seemed too quiet, and she was so restless that she couldn't sit still.

"You're up late," Inara's voice startled River out of a chat she was having with Serenity's engines about the power couplings.

River nodded, dark hair tumbling in front of her face. She tucked a strand behind her ear.

"Can't sleep."

Inara smiled sympathetically.

"Do you want some tea?" the Companion asked, hovering in the doorway of her shuttle.

River hesitated, searching out the flavour of Inara's intentions. But she needn't have bothered; the Companion only wanted to comfort her. River accepted, walking into Inara's sanctuary.

The shuttle was a temple to beauty, and Inara the goddess that was worshipped there. Everything was soft and sensual, designed to please every sense. Inara sat gracefully on her couch, and poured steaming tea from a delicate looking teapot. She waved for River to sit next to her.

"You seem sad, Mei Mei."

River shook her head.

"Not sad. Just…" she struggled to categorize her emotions. No, she wasn't sad. Or lonely, particularly. If she wanted someone to talk to, she could always talk to Serenity. But she felt as though something was missing. It wasn't as if she and Spike had spent every minute in each others' company, but she could always reach out and touch his thoughts if she felt the need to. They had been like a gentle, comforting hum in the back of her mind, as familiar as her own thoughts to her now. Their absence created a silence she wasn't sure she liked.

"You miss him," Inara summed up.

There wasn't any point denying it. It was a small ship. There weren't many secrets.

"Said he was coming back," River said.

Inara put her teacup down, and reached out a slender, manicured hand to stroke River's hair. River sighed, and her eyes slid shut at the older woman's comforting, motherly touch.

"Can't sleep. Can't sit. Can't even stand still."

"You've been restless for two days," said Inara. "Ever since Spike left. I've noticed."

River couldn't deny it.

"Can't concentrate on anything," she admitted. "Can't seem to sit still and focus like I used to."

"What did Spike say he was doing?"

River smiled in spite of herself.

"Being a champion," she said. "We have our marching orders and he has his." She opened her eyes and turned to look at Inara's beautiful face. "Nara… how do you know when it's love? The sticking kind, I mean. The forever kind."

Inara ought to know, after all, River reasoned. Inara knew about all kinds of love.

"Love feels different for every person," Inara said, looking thoughtful. "So it's hard to say. But I'd say, the kind of love you're talking about feels like that person is part of you. It feels like when they're gone, half of you is missing."

"That how you felt when you were away from the Captain?" River asked.

Inara's fingers through her hair stopped for a moment, and then resumed.

"Yes, I suppose it was," said Inara. "I shouldn't be surprised that you know about that."

River shrugged, not opening her eyes.

"Can't help hearing what's shouted," she said. "Try not to listen."

"Not your fault," Inara said. Her repetitive motions through River's hair was relaxing, soothing River's ruffled spirit. "Are you in love with Spike?"

"Yes. No. Can't tell," River admitted. "Never been in love before. Can't categorize."

Inara nodded.

"Love is a hard thing to categorize," she agreed. "I don't think you can. It's not something you can reach out and touch, and yet it _is_ a thing, tangible as any other."

"Spike is… is…" River struggled to put her feelings into words. "I feel him. Here," she touched her heart. "And here," she tapped her head. "He doesn't see me as a little girl. He doesn't think I'm broken."

Inara's picked up an ivory-backed hairbrush, and began brushing the tangles out of River's dark hair, starting from the ragged ends and working her way up to the crown of River's head, making the dark tangle into chestnut silk. Each sweep of the brush wiped away a little more of River's anxiety, and she could feel her body relaxing bit by bit.

"I confess I don't quite understand him," Inara said. "He's a very interesting person. He seems like he's carrying around a great sorrow."

"He wants absolution," River said. "I told him that's not something you can earn."

"Perhaps it says something for his character that he tries anyways," said Inara. "If you want my advice, Mei Mei, I'd say take things slowly. Make sure absolutely about your own feelings before you do anything. I know you feel things that other people around you feel, and _he_ cares for _you_…"

"You're worried I'm feeling his for me, not mine for him," River summed up.

Inara smiled.

"I don't want you to get hurt, little one," she said. "You're my family. And I protect my family. I would hate to have to break Spike's legs."

River giggled at the suggestion of the delicate companion going up against her vampire champion.

"You're just looking out for me, Nara. I know that."

"But are you sure he's… that is to say… Mei Mei, are you sure he's _safe_?"

River shook her head.

"No. He's not safe. But he's good."

"If you approve of him, then so do I," said Inara. She gave one final sweep of the brush, then put it down. River got up, and impulsively hugged the beautiful companion.

"Think I can sleep now," she said.

Inara smiled, brushing a strand of hair out of River's pale face.

"Goodnight, Mei Mei. Sleep well."

River paused in the doorway to Inara's shuttle.

"Nara? Thank you."

Inara smiled.

"Anytime, River."

* * *

Spike hummed under his breath as he walked through the streets the main city of Ibis. Ever since his little rumble with River at the Academy, his blood had been up, and he was spoiling for a fight. So when the Council had sent him the wave, he'd been more than happy to take on the mission they gave him. Being stuck on that flying tin can made his feet itch sometimes. And hopefully he could get it out of his system quick and be back to River for tea time.

He turned a corner and saw what he had been looking for – a man in a long trench coat, his wide straw hat hiding his horns.

"Monty," Spike greeted him.

Spike's contact to the Higher Powers nodded to him.

"Spike. See you managed to pull yourself away from your lady love."

Spike scowled.

"Keep them visions out of my personal life, Monty-boy, and you get to keep those pretty horns of yours on your head where they belong."

Monty smiled, showing sharp pointed teeth that looked shockingly out of place in his otherwise human looking mouth.

"Sticks and stones, vampire," He pushed himself off of the wall, and stubbed out his cigarette. "Coming?"

Spike grunted his assent, and they took off down the street, dodging food carts and customers alike.

"Guess who's back in town?" Monty said, pointing to a large flashing billboard overhead. "Old friends of yours."

Spike groaned.

"Don't they _ever_ die?"

Monty's grin was full of shark-sharp teeth.

"You're one to talk. Besides, we both know the Wolf, Ram, and Hart aren't what you would call 'mortal'."

"Great," Spike mumbled, rubbing a hand over his face. "Just blood great. Wolfram and Hart are setting up shop in this dimension _again_. No wonder they called me in on this one." Bloody lawyers. This was going to take forever.

Monty shrugged.

"You _are _the closest thing we have to an expert on them. You defeated them once before, if I remember."

"Sort of," Spike groused. "And it wasn't in a way that I'd like to try again. Only Peaches is that insane." He groaned. "Why me? Couldn't they find some other sucker this time?"

_"_You're the Higher Powers' whipping boy. I'm just the messenger," Monty reminded him.

"Do I at least get Council backup?" Spike asked. He thought of River, all warm and sleepy in his bed as he'd seen her before he left Serenity, and groaned inwardly. If Wolfram and Hart were involved, it would be a long time before he would be able to share another quiet moment with her again.

"Council man's on his way," Monty said, recalling Spike back to the present. He leaned casually on a grimy wall and grinned. "So I hear you've got yourself a seer."

Spike winced.

"Whole universe know of my business, or just nosy messenger boys?"

Monty chuckled.

"News travels fast, specially when it's as juicy as that. Not every day our resident souled vampires pair with a little slip of a seer. Besides, we saw what you did on Isis. Nice work there, by the way. What'd they do to get your fangs up?"

Spike shrugged.

"River doesn't like em. She wanted my help to take them down, and she asked nice. Besides, they were all around black hats. I trust the Higher Powers doesn't have a problem with me going on a personal vendetta or two in my spare time?"

Monty shrugged.

"We don't exactly _chat_, remember? It's strictly a one-way communication."

Spike grinned through his teeth.

"Must be fun, bein' their whipping boy."

Monty made a non-committal grunt. He glanced over to the shadow under a large flashing sign.

"Looks like our contact is here."

The watcher detached herself from the shadows as they walked towards her. Spike took a moment to give her a once-over. He may have River now, and all the confusing feelings the slip of a girl brought with her, but that didn't stop him from appreciating a fine woman when he saw one. And this one was very fine. Under her dark coat, she had all the right curves in all the right places. Her face was well-structured, and she would have been beautiful if her dark hair hadn't been pulled back from her face so severely. Almond shaped eyes and dusky skin gave hint to her West Indian descent. She caught Spike's eye and smirked. She had seen his appreciative glance.

"Which one of you is Spike?" she asked, her voice delicately accented.

Monty grinned.

"Don't be fooled by the spikes on my head," he said doffing his straw hat in a show of gallantry. "I'm just the errand boy. _He's_ the vampire you're looking for." He jabbed his thumb in Spike's direction.

Spike stepped forward, leering at the pretty watcher.

"You sure you're up for this rumble, luv?" he asked. "You look like a strong breath of wind would break you in two. The Wolf, Ram, and Hart, they ain't no picnic on a core world, if you take my meaning."

His comment had the desired effect. The watcher drew herself up to her full height, a fiery look springing into her dark eyes.

"This isn't my first scuffle, vampire. I had three years of field experience after I graduated from the Giles Institute."

"So then how'd you get stuck working with me?" Spike asked, allowing a smile to tug at the corners of his mouth.

The watcher gave him a defiant look.

"I volunteered."

Spike shook his head.

"You're either insane, or you're crazy. Wolfram and Hart, they're pure evil followed by a side of deviously sneaky. You sure you're ready for this?"

The watcher raised a delicate eyebrow.

"The question, Mr. Spike, is: are you?"

Spike gave her a wolfish grin.

"Pet, I've been ready for this rumble for a hundred years. I was born ready. Now, let's quit jabbering and go kill us some baddies.

* * *

River was in the engine room talking to Kaylee when Mal called her.

"Then you just run the catalyser through the hard water pipes, and…"

River cocked her head, interrupting Kaylee's explanation of how Serenity was still in the air.

"Cap'n wants me," she said.

Kaylee blinked in surprise.

"You can here em all the way from down here?"

River shrugged, getting to her feet in one graceful move.

"He shouted."

She waved goodbye to Kaylee and made her way to the cockpit, where Mal was sitting in Wash's chair. River felt a pang of sadness at the sight. No matter who else used it or how much time had passed, it was still Wash's chair. An essential part of their former pilot still lingered there.  
River shook off the sadness creeping into her thoughts, and turned to Mal.

"You called, Cap'n?" River asked.

Mal smirked.

"Someone on the Cortex for you, Albatross."

He got up, pressing the screen as he did so. It jumped to life, revealing a familiar paroxide-dyed blond.

"Spike!" A smile spread across River's face. She felt a well of happiness bubble up inside her as she slid into Wash's chair and leaned towards the screen. Behind her, she heard Mal leaving the cockpit, sliding the door behind him to give them privacy. No doubt he was going straight to Inara's shuttle to listen in on the whole conversation. River didn't mind too much.

"'Ello, Luv," said Spike grinning at her. "Thought I'd call n' see how my girl's getting on."

"Miss you," River said, smoothing her fragile skirt, a hand-me-down from Inara, over her knees. "Miss your thoughts. Miss you beside me in the night. When're you coming back?"

Spike grimaced.

"That's the thing, Luv. I might be gone longer than I thought. Turns out the Big Bad is bigger and badder than previously expected."

River felt a shiver go through the universe, stars and space and planets rumbling as if an earthquake had passed over them. Words came to her, dark, sinister words.

"Wolf. Ram. Hart."

Spike nodded.

"The baddies themselves. So you understand that I might be gone for a good long while."

"More than one white hat can handle," River said. "Could help, fight by your side."

Spike shook his head.

"Las thing I want is them slimy lawyers knowing 'bout a seer of your caliber. Longer you say under the radar, the better."

River frowned. It was a familiar argument. Spike was trying to protect her.

"They made me a weapon," she reminded Spike. "I could be a weapon for good."

"You forget the primary thing about weapons," said Spike. "When they're used up, they get thrown away. I don't want that for you."

"Don't need protecting," River reminded him, her eyes flashing as her temper flared up.

To her immense annoyance, Spike chuckled.

"I ain't shelterin' you, Luv. I know what you can do, remember? I've seen you in action. What I'm sayin' is, this is only the beginning of the game. And it's going to be a long one, if my previous encounters with those slimy buggers are any indication. You're our ace in the hole, our secret weapon. Don't want to show all our cards at once, do we?" Spike sighed, and ran and hand through his gelled hair. "You understand, don't you, River?"

River thought for a moment.

"Got to play your ace some time," she reminded him. "If you need me, call. You know I'll come."

They exchanged a glance, both knowing that she didn't mean on the Cortex.

"I know," said Spike. He held his hand up to the screen, and River pressed her own small fingers to the spot where his were.

"Stay safe," she said.

"Back atcha, Luv," Spike replied. He gave her a cocky grin, the disconnected, the screen going blank.

"I love you," River said to blank screen. She tested the words out on her tongue, weighing them. Perhaps Inara was right, and she was ready to say them. But she wasn't quite ready to say them to him yet.

River sat still in Wash's chair for a moment, her hand still on the screen. Then, she got up, and quietly left the cockpit, closing the door behind her.


	7. Chapter 7

Mal was sitting on the iron grating above the cargo hold when a small figure appeared in the gloom, her bare feet making no noise against the metal floor. A canvas rucksack was shrugged over her thin shoulders and a wicked looking knife strapped to her side. She looked like she was going somewhere.

"Not running away," River said, not turning around.

"Didn't say you were, Albatross. Just sayin' it sure looks like it. I've done a fair bit of running my own self, I know what it looks like."

River turned to him, her pale face shining in the murky light.

"Seen things that can be avoided, if warned in time. Need to go help stop the advancing dark. No point being a white hat if you stay in the cupboard."

Mal was used to River's cryptic way of speaking by now. He didn't try to understand it.

"You been waiting till we were planetside before leavin'?"

"Couldn't take a shuttle. Don't want to leave you short handed in a pinch," she replied.

Mal stood, coming down the last few steps till he was on the cargo hold floor.

"Seems to my reckonin' I'm short a pilot," he replied.

River smiled.

"They need me more," she cocked her head. "Yes, it will be dangerous. But Spike will look out for me."

"And If I'n I don't trust Spike?" asked Mal.

"You don't trust anyone but your own self," River replied.

Mal couldn't help but smile at this.

"That's not true. I trust Zoe," he reached out and put a hand on the younger girl's shoulders. "You got to make your own way in the world, Albatross. If'n you want to go planetside for a while, I can't stop you. You're all grown up now, ain't nobody can tell you what to do but your own heart."

"I left a note for Simon," said River. "Please tell him not to worry about me too much, I'll send you a wave when I can."

"Don't stay away too long. You always got a place on Serenity, long as she's in the air," Mal said gruffly.

River looked at him steadily with her large, dark eyes for a moment, then nodded.

"Goodbye, Cap'n. Be safe."

"And you."

Mal watched as she walked to the small cargo exit, and slipped through it, the door clanging hollowly behind her. The girl River was gone, and would never return. The woman River might come back to them, someday.

* * *

Shenxi Anderssen had been a part of the Summers Academy for as long as he could remember. He was part of a long and glorious tradition of Watchers, those tasked with guiding and preparing slayers as they fought the agents of darkness in this world. He had been born at the Academy, to a slayer mother and a watcher father, and had been raised there. When the time came, he had taken his place as a watcher himself. He had seen many strange things in the hallways of Summers, demons and hellbeasts and every shape and size of slayer imaginable. This was right up there with some of the strangest.

The girl looked no bigger than a child. She was a tiny wisp of a thing, her long, fragile dress much too thin for the cool autumn air outside. Dark hair fell like a curtain around her delicate face. But it was the eyes that unnerved Shenxi. He had seen eyes like that before, in the faces of some of the older slayers. Eyes that had seen too much.

They had denied her entry to Summers, of course. She didn't have an ident card, and nobody recognized her. Couldn't let just anyone in, this was an important facility.

"She needs to see him. You will let her in," said the girl, her voice calm and sure.

"I'm sorry, miss," said one of the sentries. "We can't let you go further than here."

The girl cocked her head, assessing them. Then, she was a blur of red dress and dark hair. A sentry lunged for her, but she cut him down with a sweep of arm. Another tried to charge her, and she did an impossible flip, vaulting over him to land behind and cut his legs out from under him. It took less than a minute for her to be the only one standing, holding her graceful ballet pose amid a puddle of groaning sentries. She picked her way through the carnage, her face as calm as glass. She walked towards Shenxi, her bare feet making no noise on the marble floor of the lobby. They stood frozen for a moment, staring at each other. Shenxi had grown up with impossibly strong and skilled women all around him, but he had never seen a slayer empty a room so fast.

"You will take me to him," she said.

Shenxi opened his mouth, and then closed it. He took a breath, and forced himself to speak.

"Who are you?"

"I need to see the one called Spike," the girl replied. "You will take me to him. Now."

Shenxi could do nothing but nod.

* * *

"We cannot go running into this blindly!" a dark haired watcher snapped, her black eyes flashing as she surveyed the room. "This is Wolfram and Hart we are talking about, not an unorganized demon guild!"

"Sure we can!" A slayer objected. She was standing, punctuating her points by banging her fists against the long mahogany table. "It's what we do! We run into things blindly!"

"We could do with a little more preparation," another watcher objected, drumming his fingers on a demon lexicon. "You must see that."

"All I see is a bunch of watchers crying about prep work will those scum demons take over the planet, one company at a time!"

The shouts of objection rose from the table, everyone speaking at once, demanding to be heard.

Spike ran a hand through his gelled hair, slouching against the wall at the far end of the board room.

"Bloody hell," he muttered. "This is goin' splendid, innit?"

"Have to start somewhere," his companion replied.

Spike snuck a glance at the watcher who stood beside him. Maren's well-fitting dark suit emphasized her pale face below a sweep of dark, smooth hair, the skirt short enough to show off her long, toned legs that ended in black pumps. Since picking him up, she had been his constant companion, nay, shadow. If Spike didn't know better, he'd think he had been assigned a minder. It was getting bloody annoying, but so far Maren hadn't done anything to annoy Spike other than tailing him to meetings. He could shake her lose if he needed to.

Around them, the din rose, unchecked.

"We can't just sit here and do nothing!" a voice rose above the shouts.

"What do you propose we do? What _can_ we do against them?" demanded an elderly watcher.

The doors of the board room flew open, banging harshly against the walls. The sound startled the council members, who fell silent at the noise.

"We fight," said a calm voice from the doorway. "We fight the Wolf, Ram, and Hart."

Council members strained to see the small figure in the door, but Spike didn't need to. He already knew who it was. A growl rose in his throat, and he pushed through the crowd of stunned council members until she was in sight.

"I told you not to come," he snarled, glaring at her.

"He said she was free to make her own decisions. A real girl, not a broken doll any more. Why is he surprised when she makes a decision on her own?" River asked.

Spike ground his teeth together. She shouldn't be here. He specifically left her on Serenity so she wouldn't get involved. He had lost too many friends to Wolfram and Hart already.

"And if the enemy knows about your ability?" he growled, flashing his sharpened incisors at her.

River smiled slightly.

"Can't hide forever. It's time to know and be known."

He was furious that she had disregarded his warning, of course. She should be on Serenity, as safe as possible for someone who lived on a smuggling ship. He had tried so hard to keep her out of this. But under it all, he couldn't help being a tiny bit proud of his girl. Standing there in her red dress and her eyes flashing, she looked like a queen.

Beside him, as always these days, Maren raised an eyebrow.

"Do you two know each other?"

"We are each other," River replied, cocking her head at the watcher. "I will not interfere with your mission."

Maren's eyebrows rose even further, like two pale birds about to take flight.

"What do you know of my mission?"

River shook her head.

"She hears when she doesn't want to, sometimes," she turned to the council, who were now staring at her as if she were some particularly fascinating demon species. The slayers among them were fingering their weapons, but so far no one had moved.

River smiled.

"I am River Tam," she said. "I am here to help you defeat the Wolf, Ram, and Hart."

Maren turned to Spike.

"Who is she?"

Spike shook his head.

"Don't look at me, pet. I told her to stay home. But it seems my girl's not a girl any longer," he glanced at River. "You want to be a part of this? Fine, congrats. You're in. But don't blame me when it all goes to a hell dimension in a handbasket."

River smiled beatifically at him. She knew she had one this round.

* * *

Shenxi was just looking for a little peace and quiet. Usually, the flower gardens supplied that. It had been a favorite haunt of his since he was a child, when he was small enough to hide in the flowers, and only his mother's superior slayer senses could find him. Now, it was a place of retreat.

Except for today. Today, someone was talking loudly near the balcony. Shenxi couldn't help but cringe. The balcony was his favorite place. It overlooked Saharah, the beautiful desert city, providing a stunning view of the many lights below and the mountains in the distance. Summers Academy had moved in when Saharah was nothing more than a few buildings and a saloon, and claimed its spot on one of the hills overlooking the city before the land got swallowed up by shanty towns and air ship docking bays. Shenxi came here to think and to enjoy the view. But tonight the balcony seemed to be occupied. As he crept closer, he could make out two figures against the fading sunset. His eyes widened. It was that girl again! The scary one. And with her, the vampire, Spike.

"Of course I'm cross, love. You weren't supposed to be here," Spike said, leaning against the balcony wall, his back to the view. "You're supposed to be tucked up safe in your beddy bie, waitin' this war out. Do you know what those people could do with a seer of your strength?"

"Do you know what _your_ people can do with a seer of my strength?" River replied, looking up at him.

"You are supposed to be the ace in the hole. Never show your enemy all your weapons at one time."

"Not a weapon," River reminded him, her voice rising sharply. "Not a weapon to be used and thrown away. Bent but not broken. Make my own fate. World without sin won't come unless we fight for it, and I want to fight!"

She glared up at him.

"You can't stop me."

"Yes I could," Spike said, flashing his razor-sharp teeth at her.

River glared at him, her body coiling like a spring.

"Try."

Spike took a step back from her, and sighed.

"I can't stop you from doing whatever you want, love. It goes against everythin' I've been yellin' at your brother for, for the past six months. But I don't like it. I don't like it at all."

She took his arm and slowly turned the vampire so he was facing her. She was a head shorter than him, and had to crane her neck to look into his face.

"Not a child any more, Spike. Make my own decisions."

Spike looked down at her, running his fingers through her tangled dark hair.

After a moment of silence, she smiled.

"I know. But can't keep me away forever."

"I wanted you here with me, love, I promise. But I've lost enough fights to know this won't end happily ever after. For either of us."

"Got to try," River reminded him. "Always got to try. _(Chinese for "I love you" here)_"

"You too," Spike murmured, pulling her closer so that their foreheads touched.

Shenxi was just about to leave the two alone, when River went suddenly stiff. She jerked out of Spike's arms, wrenching herself away.

"Coming. Coming fast," she moaned.

"What is it, River, love? What do you see?" Spike asked.

River opened her mouth and let out a blood curdling scream.

Shenxi had surged forward before he knew what he was doing. Others were gathering as well, slayers sliding into defensive poses, some pulling out weapons from pockets.

"Can I help?" Shenxi asked, breathlessly. River was pulling at her dark locks and waling, a high, eerie sound.

Spike held a hand out to stop him.

"Don't come any closer," he barked. "She's a seer, she's havin' a vision. All of you, stand back."

River reached out her arms in front of her, like a blind man.

"The stars in the Black. They're so bright. Trying to blind me. Making it so I can't see. Can only look for black in the Black," she gasped. "They're so bright."

"What do you see, River?" Spike repeated.

"A moon. Far away, hidden. All the stars have gone out. Only the Black. Black as their hats. Many, many. Doorway has been opened, all coming through. Beat down for 500 years, vampire with a soul defeated them and became a real boy. Amassing forces, coming, coming for us," she shuddered "Spike!"

Spike put his hands on her arms.

"I'm here, River, love. I'm here."

She sagged in his arms. Her eyes opened, and they were not frenzied, but clear again.

"Ibis," she said. Then, the energy seemed to run out of her. Her eyes rolled up in her head, and she crumpled. Spike caught her, swinging her up in his arms as if she weighed no more than a leaf.

"What's happened? What was that about?" Shenxi asked Spike, still shaken by what he had witnessed.

Spike eased River's head onto his shoulder, settling her in his arms. He flashed Shenxi a mouthful of teeth.

"We may not lose this war after all," he said. "We've got ourselves a starting place, mates."


End file.
